Its okay not to be okay

Sadly, suicide without warning is not uncommon. "Many people who commit suicide do so without letting on they are thinking about it or planning it,"[1]

Every 40 seconds, somewhere in the world, a life is lost to suicide. [2]) In the time it takes to read this paragraph, another person will have made the irreversible decision to end their own life. This stark reality underscores the urgency of understanding and addressing the silent epidemic of mental health struggles that often precede such tragedies. Kenya, especially is among the countries with the highest suicide rates.[3] Suicide, however, does not just simply happen out of the blue in most instances.[4] No matter how random it seems, there is always suicidal ideation before the act. The narration that warnings do not precede some suicide cases may be true but, in many cases, the signs are always there, no matter how subtle. Most deaths have been premeditated, often over long periods of time, without even the closest people to the deceased having any awareness of this preparation. In some cases, people can be very determined, secretive, and inventive about how to end their lives.[5] The narration that suicide is often not preceded by warnings may absolve the victims of the guilt of knowing that something could have been done, something to prevent it.

26-year-old Dickson Kipkoech Kogo was found dangling in his house, a victim of suicide. Those close to him said that he had never come out to state the problem or ask for our assistance. He kept everything to himself, and then he ended up taking his own life. Upon further inquiry, however, the sub-county police commander had this to say.

“From the information we got from the deceased friends and parents, Kogo’s behaviour is said to have changed for the last month. He is said to have been depressed and was complaining that some people he owed money had been threatening him.”[6]

The leading cause of suicide is depression and other mental health disorders.[7] So much so that Mental Health Disorders have been termed The Silent Epidemic. There is a culture of silence and denial that surrounds mental health issues in Africa.[8] The narrative is that depression has never been an African disease.[9] After all, it does not fit into the hypermasculine African narrative. 1 in 4 people are believed to be depressed in Kenya. To put that into perspective, of the 54 million Kenyans, 13.5 million may be depressed. In 2017, a WHO report ranked Kenya as the sixth country in Africa with the highest levels of depression.  The mentally ill are portrayed as being mad and those who ask for help are deemed to be seeking attention. This compounded with the common stereotypes that already exist only perpetuates the ignorance further.

“I have been called a curse, illegal, and singled out when seeking services sometimes at the health facilities and in the community. This makes one second guess themselves, self-sabotage and fearful too.”[10]

The majority of the population in Kenya associates mental health and mental illness with negative narratives leading to a low focus on the importance and benefits of mental health and well-being.[11]

“My father was never one to show sentiments. An upright conservative who was firmly rooted in traditions. It extended even to his parenting style. He rarely ever made time for my sisters, wrote them off quickly almost as if they were not his. I, on the other hand, had to deal with the burden of being his only son. His understanding of masculinity was a little rigid, to say the least. He did not think men should have time to feel, or rather the only feelings they should feel are those that fuelled ambition. Telling him his only son liked other men was simply a red line that was not to be crossed. At first, I thought there was something wrong with me, after all, I had grown up listening to his tales of how he would woo half the women in Meru. I simply had no interest in women. Eventually, I had to came to face with an unsettling truth, I could not be the person my father wanted me to be. I was sad for a while, a really long time to be honest and most days become torpid. I have talked to the school counsellor, and she believes I'm depressed, I have been for a while. If father were to hear of this, it would only aggravate him more. You asked about my smile. I did not even know I smile to be honest. Maybe it's just a mask I that wear around.”

                                                           ~shared anonymously*

This individual shared their struggle with meeting rigid familial expectations and dealing with depression in silence. This highlights how cultural pressures and fear of stigma can prevent people from seeking help, emphasizing the need for greater awareness and support. There are always signs that one may not be doing so well mentally, no matter how miniscule they are.[12] Trust your gut and assume you are the only one who will reach out and act.[13] Remember to always check up on your loved ones. The slightest behavioural change may indicate something. Shooting someone a simple “hey” text may go a long way in making their day. And remember to make them aware that it is okay not to be okay.

Suicide Crisis Hotlines

1.    Kenya Red Cross Society
1199
0700395395
0738395395

2.    Befrienders Kenya
254722178177